In the Shadows
by impsy
Summary: It was Jen Zi’s unexpected and unexplained faith in him that shook Zu to the core. Zu/Jen Zi; angst, romance; spoilers for entire game. Ch3/5 up!
1. Respect

I recently replayed Jade Empire for the first time since it came out, and I'd forgotten what an amazing game it is. I was especially intrigued by the character of Sagacious Zu and his tragic story, though I didn't think about writing a love story for him until near the very end of the game. This has been a challenge, mainly because Zu only has a few lines through the game to make me think he cares for the PC, and also because he's a pretty depressed and angry guy. But I hope I pulled it off and that his personality stays true to the game. This will be a five-chapter story covering the events of the game.

I'd love any and all feedback on this - I have no beta reader and few friends who have played JE, and none of them have played it recently. Reviews make my day (and make future chapters better)!

Hope you enjoy!

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**Respect**

Sagacious Zu was not ready for his life to change, but that didn't seem to matter at all.

His overly-complicated and dangerous service with the Lotus Assassins had only gotten worse once he killed some of his fellows to save the young Dawn Star, but things had simplified upon giving the child away and staying only in the swamp near Two Rivers. He lived alone in the swamp and was so accustomed to solitude that he no longer missed having other people around. At this point, he would even go so far as to say he _preferred_ being alone to the company of others.

But even he hadn't realized how much those years alone had changed him. He'd never been the type of person to feel comfortable in groups or make easy conversation, but once, before the Lotus Assassins, he had been able to at least talk to other people. Upon joining up with Radiant Jen Zi and Dawn Star, he felt like every word he spoke was a wasted one, and any moment of attention given to his two new companions was one of distraction where an enemy could be sneaking up on them.

He hadn't been with them long, but even in their journey so far, Radiant Jen Zi had made it past hired mercenaries and armed bandits roaming the swamp, defeated Gao the Lesser – after telling Zu to stay out of it, to his annoyance – and rescued her friend Dawn Star. He'd seen her training, and now he got to see her in action. He allowed himself to be a little bit impressed.

They walked calmly the caves – Jen Zi and Dawn star were calm, at least; Zu didn't allow himself to relax, so he took the role of rearguard, hiding in the shadows like always, thinking darker thoughts than Dawn Star and Jen Zi were willing to. The two girls were talking away without concern, clearly happy to be reunited, ignoring the fact that enemies might still lurk in the cave. He shook his head in silent judgment at their carefree attitudes and continued watching for any surprises.

_Death comes from above,_ he thought as he looked around behind them again, checking for danger. It seemed as if they'd cleared out the entire cave, but one could never be too careful. _They were so quick to dismiss Gao's threat as nonsense. They have no idea what we could be getting into, and I won't be the one to tell them._

"I just can't believe Gao really thought he'd be able to get away with this," Jen Zi said, shaking her head.

"I don't think he expected you to come after him so quickly," Dawn Star replied, clearly relieved that she'd been found before Gao was able to get her on a flyer and beyond the reach of her friend. "After all, he knew Master Li was about to send you into the Spirit Cave. He probably thought we'd be long gone by the time you made it out of there. What happened down there, by the way?" she asked curiously.

_Spirit Cave?_ Zu wondered, stopping his constant scanning of the area for a moment to pay more attention to their conversation.

Jen Zi paused for a moment, and he glanced at her. She seemed to be carefully considering what to say. "Many things I did not expect," she said, more serious than she was a few moments earlier.

Dawn Star seemed a bit confused by her friend's reluctance to speak on the subject. "Was it safe, at least? What kind of challenges did you face?"

"Many kinds," Jen Zi replied, still looking thoughtful. She glanced up to see Dawn Star looking concerned, and she smiled and told the other girl not to worry with a shake of her head. "Don't worry about it. I just haven't had time to process everything that happened there yet. I'll tell you all about it once I figure everything out myself, I promise."

This seemed to comfort the other girl somewhat, and Zu was surprised when she turned around to smile at him. "Well, can you tell me about our new friend? I would hate to get back to the school and find that we never see you again."

Jen Zi smiled as well, glancing back at him as well while they walked. "I've told you all I know. Sagacious Zu is not one for socializing."

"I don't see the point when there are likely dangers around," he replied bluntly, continuing to look around the cave for hidden attackers as they walked. _They can feel free to waste time chatting. I have more important things to do, _he thought. _Once they're back at Two Rivers safely, I'm free to come back to the swamp and let everything get back to normal._ The two girls exchanged quick glances at his shortness and continued walking, in silence this time.

They made it out of the cave without incident, but Dawn Star looked slightly ill when she saw Gao's fallen mercenaries scattered about the camp. "What happened to Gao's men?" she asked. _She knows exactly what happened,_ he thought. _She just doesn't want to think about the fact that her friend killed people getting to her. _"I thought they abandoned him, but it looks like you had to fight them all!" She shuddered slightly. "I didn't realize you took that much of a risk getting to me. Thank you."

Jen Zi shrugged. "I didn't want to fight them all, but there was no real choice."

Zu had to stop himself from scoffing at that comment. He saw the way she fought – it was without hesitation or doubt. She struck with all the force and skill she'd learned in her twenty years of study at the school; she didn't hold back when she and Dawn Star were in trouble. He wondered, when he looked at her while she fought, if the light he could practically see in her eyes was a fierce joy at using the skills she'd worked so hard to master.

He'd gotten lost in his thoughts while Jen Zi and Dawn Star chatted, but his attention was quickly pulled out of his mind and towards the sky when he heard the familiar roar of flyers passing overhead. He tried to make a quick tally of how many, but quit counting when he realized the number didn't matter – if they were going toward the school, there were more than enough to destroy the town and every person there.

Dawn Star looked perplexed, but not afraid. _She'll learn to be soon enough,_ he thought, somewhat sadly. "There are so many. Where are they coming from?"

"You should be more concerned with where they are going," he told her. He glanced at Jen Zi, who was still watching the flyers, a serious look on her face. "You may have won a victory over Gao the Lesser, but it looks like he put things in motion that have outlived him."

Dawn Star frowned. "What? What do you mean?"

He sighed. "These machines have weapons," he explained. _I never wanted to have to tell them this. I should never have come along. Jen Zi would have been fine in the cave without me._ "They drop casks that explode on impact. There will be soldiers on the ground, as well."

A look of horror finally appeared on Dawn Star's face. _Now she understands,_ he thought, somewhat sadly. _This attack was not my fault, but they will remember I was the one to tell them the truth of what was about to happen._ "Was… was that what Gao meant? He said something about death coming from above for Master Li!"

Jen Zi finally turned her attention back to them. "He kidnapped you so you wouldn't get caught in an attack?" she asked in disbelief. He couldn't blame her for doubting this – even from his limited knowledge of the man, Gao the Lesser didn't seem like the type to protect anyone but himself, especially being the son of a man Zu knew to be less than charitable towards others.

Dawn Star shook her head furiously. She was not handling this well. "It doesn't matter! We have to get back! The students… everyone needs our help!"

_If she's this bad now, she'd be worse if she saw what they're doing to her home and friends,_ he thought. _Jen Zi would have trouble handling it too. But at least Dawn Star lived somewhere other than Two Rivers for a time. Jen Zi has been there her whole life._

"Walk away, Dawn Star," he advised. _I'm one to talk about running away from painful memories,_ he thought bitterly. "You won't get there in time. Better to avert your eyes than see something you care about fall to ruin. Save yourself the pain."

Jen Zi folded her arms stubbornly. "We have to try. There has to be a way!"

Dawn Star shook her head and looked at the ground, pacing a bit anxiously. She suddenly looked up at the Mosquito Flyer in the camp and pointed at it. "This… machine of Gao's," she said urgently, "do you know how to make it work? Could you fly it?"

He scoffed at the question, hoping to show them how ridiculous the idea of going back was and dissuading them from wanting to see what he was sure would be a massacre. He was skeptical of either being able to handle what he was positive they would find. _Their whole lives have been in this sheltered school and small town,_ he thought. _They'll be helpless when they see it destroyed. If nothing else, I have to stop that from happening so they can move on with their lives. _"I doubt there are two people in the Empire that know _how_ they work. It's a baffling combination of magic and artifice."

"I just need to know if we can control it safely," Jen Zi told him flatly.

Zu sighed, walking past the two towards the flyer. He climbed up and glanced inside. _It's been twenty years since I flew one of these,_ he thought. _What are the chances I actually still remember how to work it?_ Unfortunately for him, the controls seemed to be relatively the same as the last flyer he'd used. "We may be able to do it among the three of us," he said, making sure to sound as doubtful as he knew how. "I was told they are simple to control." _No need to tell them anything yet, _he thought.

"So you don't really know," Dawn Star said, sounding annoyed.

He jumped down from the machine and glared at her. "If you actually cared about the safety of this machine, you wouldn't be about to fly it into a swarm of enemies. What guarantee do you want?" he asked, aggravated. He sighed and turned back to Jen Zi. "There is a handle attached to something like the reins of an ox yoke. You move it left and right, forward and back. It should swim through the air fairly smoothly." He shrugged.

"So it's like flying a swimming ox," Jen Zi said, looking at him incredulously. "Well_ that_ helps." _Helping wasn't my intention,_ he thought.

"Will you come to help us, Zu?" Dawn Star asked hopefully. "You seem to have a good heart."

_How little she knows of me, _he thought. _She will learn that I'm not to be trusted soon enough, and I can return to the swamp knowing I did what I could for these two._ "If… you are intent on returning, I will accompany you," he told her hesitantly. "I have already done more than I wanted, but I could not avoid this forever."

Dawn Star tilted her head to the side slightly as she looked at him. "You are an interesting person, Sagacious Zu. Your eyes hold a great sadness that is oddly familiar to me, but I don't know why."

He glanced at Jen Zi, who half-smiled at him. "I tried to understand his trouble, but he won't let me." _And I never will, _he thought, determined to shield her from the harsh truth of his past as much as possible. _She never needs to know what I did. What I could do again._

He didn't respond, and instead headed for the flyer. "Perhaps I am imagining it. We will discuss it another time," Dawn Star said as he walked away. She sighed. "I hope we are not too late."

_If we aren't too late, we'll be dead,_ he thought as they climbed into the flyer. _If it's anywhere near as bad as I think it'll be, the school doesn't stand a chance even with our help. The only difference would be the addition of three more corpses._

Jen Zi motioned for him to take the pilot's seat, and he grimaced but did as she requested. "These are the controls," he told her, pointing to the various buttons and levers in front of them. He instructed her as best he could with the limited time they had, telling her what each part did as he used it to get the machine off the ground. She nodded seriously as he spoke, focusing intently and clearly trying to memorize all the information he was giving her.

Once they were flying, the noise from the rockets prevented any conversation. When other flyers appeared and began attacking them, they were all far too busy dodging attacks and firing back some of their own to even consider saying anything. But the three of them were still able to look out the windows of the flying machine and see the destruction of Two Rivers below.

_It's as I feared, then,_ he thought, returning his attention to the controls. _There is nothing to be done, but they want to see the ruins anyway. We all bring such pain on ourselves. _

In the few moments of break they got between attacks, he glanced at Jen Zi and Dawn Star to see how they were handling what they saw. Dawn Star looked to be holding back tears, and Jen Zi was holding on to a bar so tightly her knuckles were white.

At last, they seemed to come to the end of the fighters – the other flyers had either been destroyed or completed their mission, going back to wherever they came from. He did his best to land them safely near the town and school, trying to find a safe place among the burning wreckage of buildings.

Dawn Star leapt out of the flyer immediately and looked around in a panic, desperately trying to find something that hadn't been destroyed. _There's nothing left for them here, _he thought. _The Assassins are very thorough._

She stopped moving around so quickly, standing still for the moment. He saw tears beginning to run down her face. "No... This can't be!"

He shook his head. "It is what I expected," he said honestly. _If they'd just listened to me... _"I am sorry you had to see this."

"I saw the smoke from the air, but I didn't think…" She paused a moment, trying to calm herself, "I didn't think it would be so bad. Everyone… everyone is gone."

Jen Zi climbed out of the flyer at last. "We will find survivors," she said, her voice emotionless. "There has to be someone left."

Dawn Star wiped her eyes with the back of her hand. "I hope you are right. Master Li wouldn't let this happen. Not without a fight." She shook her head in disbelief, looking around again. "Guide Zu to the heart of the school. We will meet there."

Zu was surprised at Dawn Star's willingness to stay behind when there could be survivors up ahead, but he understood after a moment's thought – she was not handling this well, as was to be expected. She clearly needed a few moments to collect herself before venturing into the school, which was sure to be worse.

He and Jen Zi began walking toward the school as Dawn Star sat down next to the flyer and began crying in earnest. The broken bodies of villagers and students were all around them, and he wondered how his companion was coping with the loss.

He prided himself on his lack of emotions, but glancing over at her as they walked, even he was taken aback by Jen Zi's attitude upon discovering the only home she'd ever known had been destroyed. Dawn Star was practically inconsolable, sitting on the ground and sobbing. The crying made him uncomfortable – he understood that she was upset, but if only she could remember all she'd lost as a child, maybe this loss would be less devastating for her. After all, she'd pulled through that tragedy – a tragedy partially of his own doing – and seemed to have turned out fine. He didn't know Jen Zi's story, but it couldn't possibly be as bad as what had happened to Dawn Star because of what he'd done as a Lotus Assassin.

Zu had known what to expect upon their arrival at the village. He had even participated in similar attacks on other cities, so when he saw the flyers overhead, he knew what was coming. He took in the burning surroundings with the eyes of one who had seen such destruction before. But Jen Zi hadn't known what she was about to see, hadn't been able to mentally prepare herself for the death and chaos they were encountering.

He was surprised. He'd seen her training during his infrequent trips to the village, and had been intrigued by her skill and talent when sparring. He was satisfied with her performance in actual, life-threatening combat when he saw the way she fought without fear or hesitation. He grudgingly allowed that her solo defeat of Gao the Lesser was rather impressive, though he was still slightly bitter about being forced to stand aside while she fought the man alone.

He'd remained skeptical. She was raised in a sheltered environment, learning mainly how to fight, and had a natural talent for it – of course she was skilled. But now, under more pressure than she'd ever been in her life, Jen Zi was showing what she was made of.

Her posture, he could understand. Her arms were at her sides and her hands in tight fists. But it was the look on her face that truly surprised him. There was no pain or sadness, rage or shock. She'd seen what happened and, by the look in her eyes, she was ready to find whoever had done it and bring them to justice. He'd never seen such a determined expression before. She was clearly upset – she had to be – but rather than giving in to the sorrow she certainly felt, the destruction she was seeing only made her more determined to find her master.

Zu had seen many people after tragedies. Many cried, begged for mercy, pleaded with the gods to restore their homes or family or friends. He'd never seen anyone react like this. And he couldn't help but respect her for her reaction.

She caught him looking at her, and gave him a curious look. "You all right, Zu?" she asked.

_She's asking _me_ if _I'm_ all right,_ he thought in disbelief, but he just nodded once. "I'm fine. Let's go. If we're lucky, there are still people here left alive."

Jen Zi nodded in agreement and led the way. He knew he had no choice but to follow her.


	2. Trust

**Chapter Two – Trust**

Thanks very much to my three reviewers, Bloody Dead and Sexy, Fairywarygal, and TheLostMinstrel, for the very kind reviews of chapter one! Sorry it took me so long to get this chapter done, but the next one is pretty much completely written and should be uploaded soon. Hope you like this one as well! And any suggestions/corrections/questions (or anyone willing to beta these for me) would be much appreciated!

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"I still cannot believe we willingly got into a rowboat, manned by a drunk, in order to get to a pirate lair."

Jen Zi looked back at him and laughed at his serious expression and dour attitude, making Zu scowl more than he had been already. "I don't see what you're complaining about," she said as she kicked a cheaply-made vase, breaking it to look for coins or gems. "Ru got us here fine. What were you expecting – a ride from the sailors? I hardly think they'd stick around to take us slightly downriver. Plus, that's a little more attention than I think we want."

He shook his head and surveyed the area. They had fought their way across the pirate dock and up to a large open area, and he knew they were nowhere close to finding a replacement flyer. So far, all they'd encountered were the lowest-ranked pirates, most of whom were drunk while on guard duty. _You'd think they'd at least take the threat of attack seriously,_ he thought, annoyed. Everything was annoying him today. _They are pirates after all. They don't really get along with most people. I would assume they would always be prepared for attack. _He smiled ruefully. _Much like me._

"At least if the sailors had helped us, we wouldn't have had to deal with Ru's smell," he replied grumpily.

She grinned triumphantly as she stood up from the glass shards, holding an essence gem. "I think you've gotten spoiled traveling with us and having a flyer," she said teasingly, pocketing it.

"Yes, the two short trips we made with the flyer were nice," he said dryly. "As well as the crashing and miraculously not dying, and now having to walk everywhere. Quite the treat."

She pretended not to hear him, but grinned. "You're the one who lived in a swamp for years; I'd think you'd be used to the smell. _I_ should be the one whining about riding in boats with drunks. I think your standards are just too high," she said cheerfully.

"Or yours are too low," he muttered. She smiled but said nothing.

They continued walking further in to the pirate base, climbing a long, curved staircase that had been mounted on the cliff face. He was surprised at how sturdy the thing was – in his experience, staircases like this were usually pretty rickety and felt like they could fall at any moment. This one was in much better condition, though it didn't appear to have always been that way, as the places the stairs were attached to the wall looked like they'd been fortified to make the structure safer. _Strange, for pirates,_ he thought, but his focus was quickly drawn ahead of them.

They slowed down as they approached an opening in the cliff with a torch on either side. Though the flickering light was unnecessary, as it was still midday, the presence of torches was enough to warn them to stop and scope out the area before charging in. _Though Jen Zi is more prone to that than she should be,_ he thought with another scowl. _How she didn't learn her lesson from nearly getting us all killed in her mad rush back to Two Rivers, I have no idea._

The two knelt and crept up to the opening slowly, careful to make as little noise as they could to avoid alerting the guards that certainly waited inside. They glanced into the room, and Zu's experienced eyes took in the surroundings quickly.

_Locked cage, poorly made, _he assessed. _Three people locked inside, probably slaves they picked up in the area. One guard- _he glanced around the room to make sure that was true, and spotted several more, _-four guards, possibly more unseen, keeping an eye on the slaves. Nothing to hide behind getting up to the guards, so I suppose we'll be doing this Jen Zi's way and charging in like fools._

His companion, however, was apparently not thinking as logically or strategically as he, as he noticed immediately when she started to stand. He grabbed her arm and yanked her back down to the ground quickly, and she glared at him angrily.

"What do you think you're doing?" she asked in a furious whisper. "They've got slaves in there, Zu! We need to get them out!"

"We won't get them out if we get killed in the process," he replied, just as irritated as she. I _am the expert in both stealth and battle. She needs to learn to trust my judgment in situations such as these._ "We need to _think_ about this for a moment before charging blindly forward."

She met his eyes for a few moments, and the intensity of her gaze surprised him. _She really wants to free those people _now_, _he thought. _I would help her, grudgingly, if she would just listen to what I have to say! _She nodded once, seemingly satisfied, then sighed and pulled her arm out of his grasp, and he let her, reasonably sure that she wouldn't try to bolt forward again.

He looked back inside the room, hoping to figure out a better plan than "charge in screaming and hope to surprise them" like he suspected Jen Zi was thinking, when a flash of bright blue caught his eye. He looked up higher in the room to see a man in blue clothes, currently crouching on a wall-mounted wooden platform perhaps twenty feet in the air.

The man looked thoughtful for a moment, then pulled two swords out and leapt nimbly to the ground near the cage, directly behind one of the guards, who he struck down without hesitation. He then turned his attention to the door, which didn't last much longer than its guard did.

The commotion got the attention of the other pirates, all of whom charged toward the man, weapons drawn. _Ten of them, _Zu thought, a bit surprised despite himself. _More than expected. _

"He's freed the slaves!" one of them yelled as they surrounded him. The pirate snarled. "You'll pay for that, maggot!"

The man seemed unconcerned, even holding his swords in a relaxed position. "Will I?" he asked curiously, then smiled. "If you scum have any sense at all, you'll stand aside. Let me go drive a blade through your master's throat and I'll forget I saw you," he offered calmly. _He sounds like he's bargaining with merchants, not telling pirates he's on his way to destroy their organization,_ Zu thought.

The pirates were highly amused at this suggestion. "Oh, certainly!" the first pirate said, laughing heartily. "We'll just sit back and let you stroll upstairs to kill our leader! Would it help if we drew you a map to his room?"

One of the others seemed confused. "Uh…" he said hesitantly, clearly afraid of correcting his superior. "I don't think Gao would like that." _I'm sure he's been beaten for such suggestions in the past,_ Zu thought._ Pirates aren't known for being able to handle constructive criticism._

He agreed, and reluctantly stood to follow her into the room as the pirates continued arguing pointlessly. "I wasn't serious you idiot!" the first pirate said, looking like he'd rather kill his own subordinate than the invader.

Jen Zi tugged at Zu's arm. "Come on!" she whispered happily. _Like a child at the sight of candy, Jen Zi is giddy at the thought of an additional ally in battle,_ he thought, shaking his head in bafflement. "I'm sure the three of us can take them!" she said.

"We're going to kill this intruder and go back to our drinking. He's just one man, he can't beat all of us," the pirate said dismissively. _Famous last words,_ Zu thought.

Unlike the pirates, who were oblivious to anything but the threat in front of them, the man in blue had noticed their entrance. He caught Jen Zi's eyes, and both of them smiled. "Look around," he told the pirates. "The odds are not so much in your favor. There's still a chance for you to run," he offered, looking a little smug.

Apparently the first pirate wasn't much brighter than the other, because he looked very confused at this. "What are you talking about, fool?"

"You haven't noticed my partner over there watching us?" The man motioned calmly towards Jen Zi and Zu. The pirates looked their way immediately, and some looked about ready to panic. Zu smiled and used what his years as a Lotus Assassin had taught him, fading into the background to hopefully remain unnoticed despite the pirate's attention in their direction. "Don't let her grace and beauty fool you," the man continued, "she's deadly." Jen Zi scratched her head. Zu sighed. "This is your last chance to get out of here alive."

The pirate grinned toothily – well, not so toothily, as he was missing several teeth, Zu noticed. "So the thief brought a friend? That just means you won't die alone!" he declared. "Attack!"

Jen Zi immediately tumbled nimbly into the fray, and before charging in himself, Zu paused a moment to look at her a bit enviously. She rolled past several sword swings before leaping up to give the lead pirate a solid kick in the stomach, sending him flying. He smiled and jumped in after her.

It didn't take the three of them long to deal with the thugs, and though they were all slightly winded afterwards, there had been no serious injuries. _That's more than we usually have to face at once,_ Zu thought, frowning at the stranger. _If he hadn't pointed us out, maybe we would have been able to surprise them and gotten an advantage. He's a fool._

"How'd I know you'd be deadly in a fight?" the stranger asked with a grin, putting his swords away. "You'll have to accept my apologies for dragging you into that, but I can't afford to be stopped. Not now," he said, shaking his head. "My name is Sky. It's good to see there's someone else in this place who can't stand these slaving dogs. We make quite the pair." He smiled at Jen Zi, who quirked an eyebrow at that comment. Zu could tell she was trying not to smile.

"I am Radiant Jen Zi, and this is my companion Sagacious Zu," she replied, motioning to him. "Good thing I was here to save you," she added dryly. _Indeed,_ Zu agreed. _He didn't do much that fight – it was mostly Jen Zi and I. He'd be dead for sure without us, and the slaves would be no better off than before._

He laughed. "Indeed. I find I'm just not saved enough these days. Shame, that." He shrugged. "It was obvious you weren't with the pirates, so why not deal with them quickly? There's bigger game above us." Sky shut his mouth after that comment and switched subjects quickly. "Speaking of which, there's a very secure and equally intimidating gate blocking the way. If we work together, though, it will be simple to crack."_ Not willing to talk about why he's here, or who he's here for,_ Zu thought, narrowing his eyes suspiciously.

Jen Zi folded her arms, not willing to let this stranger steer the conversation so easily. "Why are you here?"

The man fidgeted a bit, clearly hesitant to speak the truth. _He doesn't trust us, and we don't trust him._ "I'm here on a personal matter. A man in this place took something very valuable from me, and I intend to repay him the favor." Sky's tone was much darker there, and Zu wondered what, exactly, Gao had done to this man. _It can't be worse than what Jen Zi went through,_ he thought, suddenly defensive. _She lost all but one of her friends, and nearly her life, trying to counter what Gao ordered._

"Is this man Gao the Greater?" Jen Zi asked flatly.

Sky gaped for a moment, then shook his head in surprise. "If I had more time, I'd want to know what brought you here. I expect it's quite the tale," he said, unable to keep awe out of his voice. "Yes, I hunt Gao the Greater, though I will not say why. It is a personal matter," he repeated. "I won't be stopped now that I'm this close, and luckily you're here. That will make it easier to reach the upper levels where he hides himself away."

_He met us not five minutes ago and already depends on us for help, _Zu thought sourly. _If we didn't need to get through that door as well, I'd tell him to find his own way._

She looked at him thoughtfully for a moment. "How do I know I can trust you?" she asked.

He shrugged. _Not comforting. _"You're here for your reasons and I'm here for mine. Somehow, I doubt they conflict. Besides, we'll need each other's help to get through that door." _He's very... focused, _Zu thought. _He constantly directs any conversation toward progress through this place. I wonder if what Gao did to him made him this intent, or if he was always like this? Either way, it's irritating. _

Jen Zi sighed at his lack of assurance of trustworthiness, but apparently accepted it. "Let's talk about this plan of yours. How do we get past that door?"

Sky motioned towards a large wooden door set in the wall higher up in the chamber. Zu could tell even from this distance that it was well-made and would be difficult to break down, if that became necessary. "The door at the top of this stair is locked through a fairly ingenious mechanism. Gao's engineer, Kang the Mad, designed it for security."

Jen Zi grinned at this. "I don't think of pirates as the ingenious type," she remarked.

"Oh, I don't know," Sky grinned. "They're good with knots." Jen Zi's mouth quirked in a half smile, and he grinned in response and continued. "Kang the Mad is a crafty fellow. The door requires two to unlock it. Up high there is a platform with the release lever." He pointed to the platform he'd been standing on before jumping down to attack the pirates. "The door must be operated while that lever is held forward. There used to be a sentry up there who handled that kind of thing, but he had an... accident." _No wonder he was up there, _Zu thought. "I can climb up and pull the lever easily enough. You can open the door when it's unlocked."

Jen Zi nodded thoughtfully, looking at the door and lever for a moment. "What's on the other side of the door?" she asked. _She knows very well what we'll face up there,_ he thought. _Gao's pirates are nothing compared to the Lotus Assassins that are working with him. But she wants to know if he knows as much as she. Smart._

He shrugged. He either didn't know the whole story or wasn't willing to share his knowledge with them. "My best guess would be guards willing to die for their master. You shouldn't have too much trouble helping them reach that goal," he said with another grin. "Once the door is open, we can go our separate ways. I have my goals, and I'm sure you have yours. Since we both have much to do, why don't I go unlock the door now?"

She finally looked back at Sky. "Why don't we work together after the door is opened?" she offered. Zu was surprised – and not pleased.

Sky smiled ruefully but shook his head no. "Coming from you, that's a tempting offer. I'm a fool to turn you down, but I think what I've come here to do is something I must do alone. I should go now, but..." He was silent for a moment, but he couldn't restrain his curiosity it seemed. "I have to ask in case we never meet again. Where did you study?"

"I trained under Master Li of Two Rivers," she replied.

Sky looked curious, but didn't recognize the name. Like most others, he'd apparently never heard of the man. _Though if Jen Zi's story is true, and Master Li really is Sun Li the Glorious Strategist, people will be far more impressed by her teacher in the future, _he thought. "He must have been a genius," Sky said, admiration clear in his voice. "You fight like no one I've seen before."

Jen Zi smiled at the compliment, but gave him a curious look. "I've heard this kind of thing before. What's so strange about how I fight?"

"It's not so much strange as it is intriguing," Sky explained after a moment spent considering what to say. "No one I've ever met fights like you do. It's subtle, but your movements bait your foes into seeing an opening that isn't there. It's like a clever trap." He sighed and glanced up at the lever. "I'm sorry. I'm wasting time neither of us can spare. I'll get ready and pull the lever when you're near the door. Good luck with whatever brought you to this place."

"You as well," Jen Zi replied. Sky backed up a bit to get a running start, then leapt toward the pillar in the center of the room, kicking off from it to land easily on the platform Zu had seen him on initially. He looked down to them and nodded, and Jen Zi waved her thanks before heading up the ramp that led to the door.

She activated the door mechanism with a bit of trepidation, but despite her clear doubts, the grinding of gears opened the large door quickly. She waved farewell to Sky before heading through the door. Zu chose not to do so and simply followed her.

Sky's guess as to what would be outside the door was correct – the two of them were immediately attacked by several pirates. The door's loud gears had gotten their attention and given them the jump on the two of them, but they were quickly dispatched.

He followed her wordlessly, still shocked that she would ask Sky to join them after only knowing the man for a few minutes. _At least when I joined her, she needed my help getting through the swamp, and she made it clear that she didn't trust me,_ he thought, frustrated. _But this stranger would have done nothing but slow us down, and Jen Zi trusted him immediately and pointlessly._

"Zu," she said, bringing him out of his reverie. "Something wrong?"

"No," he replied curtly.

She gave him a look that said she could tell he was lying. _Not that I was hiding it._ "Zu, please tell me if there is something wrong other than you being eternally down about everything, and I'll try to fix it."

"You'll 'fix it?'" he repeated skeptically. "Jen Zi, how do you expect me to respond when you ask a stranger to join with us? How do you know he wasn't actually working for Gao, or the Lotus Assassins, trying to catch us in a perfect trap?"

"The same way I know _you _aren't doing that same thing," she replied. "You are a former Lotus Assassin after all. I had far more reason to doubt you than I do Sky, even if he did pull us into the fight back there. But after just a short while, I trusted you, even after you gave me reasons not to do so. Have I given you reasons not to trust me?" she asked, and he was surprised – she sounded sure of herself, but there also seemed to be a note of concern in her voice.

"There have been a few questionable decisions, most of which I can cope with," he replied, not holding back. "Rushing back to Two Rivers was a mistake, but we survived, barely, and I hope you learned your lesson from that. Helping ghosts, even children ghosts – I don't know much about these things, though it seems dangerous to deal with ghosts no matter what. But inviting a complete stranger, met in the lair of the enemy, to join with us..." He paused, shaking his head. "It's foolish, and reckless. I don't think you quite understand how this works, when you're being hunted by Lotus Assassins. We can't let our guard down like that. You could get us killed."

She sighed, tucking a loose strand of hair back behind her ears. "Zu, I know that, for you, the things we've gone through together so far are not enough for you to trust my judgment. After all, I lived a sheltered life in a school," she said, somewhat bitterly, thinking about the loss of everyone she knew, "how can you expect me to be able to know when I can trust people and when I can't?"

"Exactly, I just don't think-"

"But you can," she said firmly, meeting his eyes. "It's just something I can _do._ The same way I know how to fight or tumble or anything else, I _know_ people. Within seconds of meeting them, I knew for certain that Hui was endlessly loyal, that Minister Sheng was a self-absorbed political climber, and that the ghost I keep seeing doesn't mean me any harm. And my first assessment of people almost always turns out to be right."

Jen Zi shook her head slightly and continued. "I can't tell you _how_ I know that Sky is a good man, despite the fact that he tried to keep his secrets during our meeting. I just know he is. And that's why I asked him to join us – because I knew he would help us, not hinder us." She paused, then looked at him intently. "And it's how I know I can trust you, even though you say you're not a good person and that I don't know you. You're right. I don't know you very well. But I'm right too, aren't I?" she asked him flatly. "I _can_ trust you."

He didn't say anything for a while. He'd lived the majority of his life not allowing himself to trust anyone, no matter how long he'd known them, and her attitude was mind-boggling to him. _She allows herself to believe in her initial feelings about people, and says that she usually turns out to be right,_ he thought. _Does she just trust too easily? Is it that she's very good at reading people? _He considered for a moment. _Or perhaps it's her own willpower that forces people to behave in the way she sees them, to live up to her expectations of them._

They simply stood there in the middle of Gao the Greater's pirate lair, their eyes locked on each other for what seemed like eternity to Zu. _Is she right? Can_ _she trust me? _he wondered. _Did she know she could trust me before I knew it? _Then, finally, he nodded once. "Yes," he said. "You can."

If she was surprised by his confession, she didn't show it, and he was thankful. Instead, she nodded slowly then turned and continued walking through the base, up towards where their enemy surely waited.

_I don't know what possessed me to say that, _he thought. But as he walked behind her, scanning for enemies like he always did, he knew something had changed for the two of them. _Maybe she does know what she's doing,_ he thought. _I won't be second-guessing her next time. _


	3. Interest

And I finally finish chapter three. This ending almost killed me, and I'm still not totally happy with it, so we'll see what I do with it in the next few days. Sorry for the long delay between chapters, but the next one should be much faster! I hope everyone still likes it and that it's still convincing - this was a really hard chapter to write and I worry that I went out of character. Suggestions and reviews are always much appreciated! :)

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**Chapter Three - Interest**

Sagacious Zu was miserable.

This was no surprise to any that knew him, but he'd once thought that his twenty years of exile in the swamps near the village of Two Rivers were the height of his broodiness and depression.

He was wrong.

He looked around and shook his head. _I never thought I would wind up in a Heaven,_ he thought darkly. Rainbows were everywhere, flowers were literally blooming as he watched, and below the bridges they walked on – what were they supported by, anyway? – floated fluffy white clouds. It was the most beautiful place he'd ever seen.

He followed Jen Zi silently as she led the way over the mysterious floating bridges and up grassy hills. She seemed to be walking slower than normal, and it was clear she wanted to take the time to admire the beauty of the Fox Spirit's Heaven in the breaks between fighting off invading Horse and Toad demons. Unlike him, she seemed perfectly happy in this odd place, and though she was usually eager to quickly accomplish their goals, that wasn't the case this time. Much to his disappointment, she was stalling a bit, hoping to spend more time in this "perfect" place. She made time to speak with various Fox Spirits, all servants of the Forest Shadow, and to Jen Zi's apparent disappointment, they didn't have time for conversation, instead promptly directing them further upwards, toward their mistress.

_What are we even doing here?_ he wondered, readying his weapon quickly when he saw movement. He sighed and let down his guard slightly when he realized it was just a monkey. _I'm sure we don't need to deal with this Fox Spirit to solve the problem in the forest. It's just Jen Zi, who has to know everything about everything._

He was more annoyed at this trait of hers than normal. After they closed the dam to save Tien's Landing and destroyed Gao the Greater's pirate base to find a flyer, Radiant Jen Zi apparently thought that the extra time they'd spent together entitled her to know more about him. She'd attempted to pry further into his past, hoping he would tell her more about his time with the Lotus Assassins. Though he was naturally inclined to believe it was either because she was suspicious of him or because she wanted more information about their enemy, he couldn't deny what he could tell was the truth – she was simply curious about him.

_I can't tell her anything,_ he told himself yet again. _She says she trusts me, but she would never trust me again if she knew what I've done. _So he refused to talk about his past, hoping she would eventually get frustrated and give up.

He could tell from her questions that she was also trying to figure out the motivations for his present attitudes and decisions, many of which she plainly told him she couldn't understand. He puzzled over their most recent "argument" as he took out his frustrations on the next demon to appear in front of them.

_"And why, exactly, would you think I would turn away someone who could help us?" she'd asked him. They had fought their way through the forest and up to the Temple of the Forest Shadow, where they'd encountered an enormous man named Black Whirlwind who had immediately attacked them. For some reason, Jen Zi didn't see the problem with recruiting this clearly insane mercenary into their group and had sent him back to join the others. When Zu made a comment that it might not be wise to do so, she'd given him a baffled look._

_"Because he tried to **kill us**?" he replied, like it was obvious._

_She shrugged. "He apologized. I can't blame him for thinking we were ghosts – there aren't many travelers here after all. Also he's drunk."_

_"So you believe that his foolishness is an acceptable excuse for coming at us with axes?"_

_"And you believe we should turn away a good fighter who is willing to help us, just because he made a mistake?"_

_"Yes, absolutely," he said with surety. "He's dangerous and unpredictable."_

_"Should I tell everyone in our group who has ever made a possibly-deadly mistake to leave, then? Including you? And me? We are all dangerous, and we all make mistakes that can get people killed. I made us hurry back to Two Rivers after the attack, you hid – hide," she corrected herself with a pointed look at him, "your knowledge of the Lotus Assassins. The Black Whirlwind drunkenly coming at us with axes should really be the least of our worries. At least that attack is easy to see coming, and to avoid."_

_She folded her arms stubbornly and gave him a stern look, and despite his annoyance, he found he had to stop himself from smiling at her. She was the most stubborn and sometimes infuriating woman he'd ever met, but seeing her in that pose made him laugh. He didn't know why._

_She did have a point though, so as much as he was annoyed by the new addition to the group, he made no further comment about it, simply sighing and nodding once, admitting her victory in their debate. He forced himself to ignore her smug little smile as they continued on._

Neither one of them would have said their thoughts so plainly before, but their discussion after first meeting Sky in Gao the Greater's pirate lair sparked new developments in their partnership. Now, they both felt free to say what was on their mind. Before, Zu would just frown and keep his thoughts to himself, but everything changed when he finally admitted that Jen Zi might be able to trust him – and, in doing so, admitted that he trusted her.

_The first time in years I've been able to say I trust someone else,_ he thought. _Nearly two decades on the run from the Lotus Assassins, three years working with them, and life on the streets of the Imperial City... And yet, even after all this, she thinks I'm trustworthy. _As hard as he tried – and he did try very hard – he couldn't understand her.

It was Jen Zi's unexpected and unexplained faith in him that shook Zu to the core. He was shocked at how easily she had accepted the fact that he'd once been a member of the organization that destroyed the only life she'd ever known.

He'd realized, upon confessing his former involvement with the Lotus Assassins, that Jen Zi would probably demand he leave, and he'd return to his voluntary exile in the swamp. When she didn't insist upon his departure from their group, he was relieved. When she didn't interrogate him, he was surprised. When she gave him her trust... he had a hard time accepting it. He didn't quite know what to do or how to act around her.

_It's been so long since anyone has trusted me, or I've allowed myself to trust anyone, that I am having trouble coming to terms with it, _he thought, allowing himself a moment to glance at her as they defeated another Toad Demon. _She comes to me after every decision she makes. I tell her what I think and usually wind up criticizing her. So why does she keep talking to me? _He shook his head. _And why do I care so much about what she thinks?_

The ribbons in her hair trailed behind her as she spun and knocked the demon backwards with a powerful and elegant kick, finishing the creature off. For a moment, he was somewhat envious of what a natural she was – he had twenty years more experience fighting and training than she did, and while his style was more brutally efficient, it was less graceful than hers. She looked like she was born to fight in each of her chosen styles.

He jumped at a noise – a bird had landed on an outstretched branch to chirp at him cheerily, disrupting his reverie, and he shook his head again. Jen Zi glanced back at him and grinned. "Not enjoying yourself, Zu? I'm shocked," she said, feigning surprise. "This seems like the kind of place you'd never want to leave."

He snorted his derision at her joke. _At least she knows I'm not the kind of person to enjoy peaceful places like this, and accepts it,_ he thought. _She may be happy here, but she doesn't expect me to pretend to be anything but what I am._

He glanced back at her to see that she was smiling at him, and he looked at her quizzically. She laughed. "It's nothing," she said, answering his unspoken question. "It's just- odd to see you in a place like this. I don't think I've ever seen you looking more uncomfortable and awkward, and you've hated everywhere we've been so far, so that's quite an accomplishment."

"And you take delight in my... 'awkwardness?'" he asked, raising an eyebrow.

She nodded. "I certainly do. Right now, there's a rainbow behind you, the sky is a perfect shade of blue, birds are singing... and you're a single stubborn raincloud in an otherwise clear day. It's a perfect image. I wish you could see yourself."

He tried to frown at her, but her genuine amusement at his discomfort in the Heaven forced him to smile. "I'm glad you're so pleased by my distress," he said, shaking his head at her. _I will never understand that woman._

"I don't know about _pleased,_" she replied. "But seeing you smile – I think that makes you feeling a bit awkward here worth it. Even after all this time we've spent together, I think this is the first time I've seen you actually look happy."

He knew immediately that this was absolutely true. Even he couldn't remember the last time he smiled, and feeling happy enough to smile was so uncommon that he was sure he'd remember it. _Probably years,_ he thought. _For so long, I'm alone and... not _happy_, but at least content, then she comes along, stirring up my past and everything else in my life. _He glanced at her as they walked, trying not to be too obvious about it. _This woman changes everything with such ease. If I didn't know she'd lived a sheltered life in a tiny village, I wouldn't hesitate to think she had been well trained in manipulation._

Their walk through the Heaven was coming to an end, he realized with something approaching relief. He saw a set of stairs leading up to an open-air building where an Elephant Demon and Fox Spirit – presumably the Forest Shadow – were fighting off more Horse Demons. The creatures were destroyed more quickly than Jen Zi and Zu could climb the stairs to assist them. _It seems they, at least, do not require our aid in this._

"You have come, following the path I laid down for you," the Forest Shadow said in Tho Fan. He frowned at this. _Did Jen Zi realize we were being led somewhere?_ he wondered, the good mood Jen Zi put him in ruined by his annoyance with the fox. _I must be slipping – why didn't _**I**_ realize we were being led somewhere? _He glanced at Jen Zi to see if she shared his suspicious thoughts, but she didn't seem to notice, as she stood calmly and met the gaze of the Forest Shadow.

"But now you have reached the fork and must make your own choices," the fox continued. "I will try to help you in this."

The Elephant Demon scowled. "You should ready yourself, Mistress," he said sourly. "I do not trust them." _Nor we, you,_Zu thought back at the creature.

"I mean you no harm," Jen Zi said, spreading her open hands in a gesture of peace.

Sagacious Zu allowed himself to lose track of the conversation for a time, only half-listening to make sure things weren't headed toward a fight. The two of them had developed an understanding since meeting in the swamp outside Two Rivers. Jen Zi would try to settle things peacefully, he would give her advice that she calmly listened to then disregarded, and when things devolved into violence, he would make sure she didn't get surrounded. Her preferred style, Legendary Strike, was excellent for close-quarters fighting, but not nearly as effective against multiple enemies as his polearm. As in all other things, she took the lead, and he did what he could to back her up.

He was brought back into the conversation by Jen Zi pausing thoughtfully for a moment – the discussion until then had been rapid back-and-forth, so the pause alerted him to a change. "So why am _I_ so important?" she asked the spirit, shaking her head in confusion.

"You know the Water Dragon is missing, and that your world fills with the spirits of the dead, but this forest has illustrated what that really _means,_" the fox explained. The Forest Shadow's tone had not changed through their discussion; she seemed to treat every topic with equal care – or lack of care, he thought, unsure as to which was the case. "The Mother's awakening and her spreading corruption is just a beginning – one of many that happen all over your empire. You do not want to see the end."

_If this Mother brings out more ghosts, more people will realize there is something very wrong in the Empire_, _further weakening Emperor Sun Hai,_ he thought. _Would this be a good or a bad thing? _Jen Zi's skepticism of the Emperor's power had apparently affected him, as well. He would never have dared to think such a thing before. _She changes everything, _he thought. He still wasn't sure how he felt about the changes she was bringing about in him.

"You must restore the Water Dragon," the Forest Shadow told her. "Since you entered my forest, Spirit Monk, I have felt the essence of your Mistress. The Water Dragon's touch is upon you, and it is recent."

Jen Zi looked shocked. "I have been having visions of a spirit in blue," she said, looking at the fox intently. "Could that be her?"

"A woman in blue? She would also appear in such a guise, yes. The form of a celestial dragon can be intimidating, especially-"

The Forest Shadow abruptly stopped speaking. Zu looked at Jen Zi with sudden concern to see her blink rapidly a few times. She put a hand to her head and swayed a bit, unsteady on her feet.

"Jen Zi?" he asked. _Is she having one of her fainting spells again? _he wondered. _What is doing this to her?_

She shook her head and shut her eyes for a moment, shaking her head slowly in an attempt to clear it. "No, I'm fine, I just-" But he saw her body start to go limp and she began to collapse. He jumped towards her quickly to catch her before she hit the ground.

Zu knelt, lowering her slowly, and braced her against him as best he could so she wasn't just laying on the ground when she woke up. He looked up at the Forest Shadow with narrowed eyes. "Did you do this?" he asked coldly.

The fox spirit seemed amused by this question. "I am not one to tell the Water Dragon when she can and cannot contact her servants, especially when one considers how difficult it is for her to manifest as a spirit at all," she pointed out. "Has this happened to her before?"

He was tempted to ignore the fox's questions until Jen Zi woke up, but decided he'd get more information from her if he cooperated. "I assumed it was exhaustion," he replied, thinking back on the other times she'd collapsed. "The first time I'm aware of, we had just crashed our flyer outside Tien's Landing. None of us made it through the crash completely unscathed. She fainted at Old Tien's Landing as well, while we fought through ghosts and Lotus Assassins to close the dam." He shook his head. He'd been so concerned with making sure they weren't attacked while half the team was unconscious that he hadn't bothered really asking – or caring – what had happened.

"Do not blame yourself for this," the fox said, surprising him. _Blame myself?_ "The paths of those selected by gods for special tasks is always more treacherous for the chosen than they deserve." She looked down at Jen Zi and changed topics without warning. "I believe that she knows something of your feelings for her, though if my assessment of your relationship is correct, and I am confident that it is," she sounded amused at this, "then you have not told her of them."

"I don't-" he snapped, but she cut him off.

"She cannot hear you, nor can any of the others in your group," she said. "I have been watching you as you journeyed through the forest and through this Heaven. You are protective of her; you watch her closely; you defend her when she lets you. Your feelings are clear. There is no need to deny them to me – though if it would make you feel better, I can swear never to tell." She sounded highly amused at this offered promise, and he scowled. _I don't need her protection. There's nothing for me to say._

He looked down at the woman laying in his arms, her eyes closed and a peaceful expression on her face. He was thankful that, whatever was causing these blackouts, whether it was the Water Dragon or something else, it didn't seem to cause her any pain. _Is a god really speaking to you? Is that why you're so obsessed with this need to know and do everything?_ he wondered. He sighed. _What am I _doing _here, holding her like this and _thinking _so much. The fox doesn't know anything about me. Jen Zi knows me far better than the Forest Shadow, and she..._

He considered for a moment. _She trusts me and respects my opinion. She defends me and doesn't seem to mind when I defend her, or when I question her decisions or tell her I completely disagree with something she's done. Everything I do, everything I've done, should drive her away. She protects me and asks my opinion when she should hate me and want me to leave. So why doesn't she? _

"She cares for you too, I suspect," the Forest Shadow said.

He wondered if the fox could read his mind or if his thoughts were really that obvious. He was usually extremely skilled at hiding his emotions, but he was venturing into unexplored territory and had no idea what he was doing, and he latched on to that idea as an excuse for acting as he did.

Zu had never been close to people. He had learned many difficult lessons over the course of his life, and the one that had been repeated over and over was that trusting others or allowing them to trust him usually led to disaster. People were unreliable, and he included himself in that. It was safer and simpler to keep everyone away, and he had been successful in his efforts to do so for years... until Jen Zi.

He'd joined the Lotus Assassins at the age of sixteen after living in the streets of the Imperial City since he was ten years old. He'd learned that everyone was desperate to survive, usually at the expense of others, and that the only one he could truly depend on was himself.

He'd served four years as an Assassin, where he came to understand the hard lesson that even his allies would betray him for a bit of favor with superiors.

He'd then done what he thought he would never, could never do – he betrayed his fellow Assassins after realizing suddenly that what they were doing wasn't for the good of the Empire at all, but simply to increase the power of the Emperor. He knew, from then on, that allowing others to be close to him only put them in danger.

He'd traveled the Empire with the young Dawn Star for nearly three years, trying to find a place where she would be safe. After several close calls when people had turned in his location to the Assassins, he found that even when he was trying to do the right thing, he still couldn't put his faith in anyone.

He lived in the swamp outside Two Rivers for seventeen years, where he thought he had mastered the lesson he'd been learning all his life – that it was dangerous for him to be around others, that he couldn't even trust himself, and that he should always be alone.

He'd never been as familiar with anyone as he was with Jen Zi. _I push her away, but she keeps trying to get close,_ he thought. _She can't trust anyone, least of all me. She's smart – why hasn't she figured that out yet?_

"I can't be trusted," he said aloud, his voice sure. He was more sure of this than anything. _If I want to protect her, I have to teach her this. _"All she does is tell me that she trusts me, but she doesn't understand."

"What doesn't she understand?" the Forest Shadow asked.

The calmness of her voice, combined with the perfection and peace of the Heaven around him, were enough to set him off, and he looked up at the Fox Spirit with rage in his eyes. "You have _no idea _what I've done. You spied on us in your forest but you know _nothing _about us, or about me, and you shouldn't want to know, either," he said furiously. Shining Tusk took a step towards him, ready to defend the Forest Shadow even though Zu still knelt on the ground with Jen Zi unconscious in his arms. But the fox called off her guardian with a calm wave of her hand. "You say that you can tell I care about her. Of course I do. We all do. Just because I am the least likely to say the words means nothing. But well done," he said bitterly. "You figured us out. _Clearly_ you Fox Spirits have earned your reputations as keen observers of human behavior."

She laughed musically at this, and her amusement made him even angrier, but he forced his expression to return to his usual flat, emotionless one. _I let myself get attached, she points it out and makes me admit it like a fool, and then she laughs. _

He stopped himself from sighing in frustration. _I just need to deal with this like I deal with everything else – by taking a step back, assessing the situation, and figuring out how I can get the upper hand again._

But as he looked down at the unconscious woman in his arms, he doubted that strategy was going to work this time. He tried repeating to himself every protest and obstacle he could think of, any of which would prevent a relationship more than the strained partnership they had. Despite all these reasons, he was unable to stop himself from admitting what the Forest Shadow had already pointed out – that he cared for Jen Zi far more than he thought he should.

He didn't know why he kept talking to the Forest Shadow, but he felt like he had to prove how wrong she was about him, and why she couldn't possibly be right about Jen Zi caring for him. "I'm a traitor," he said flatly. "I worked with the people she wants to bring down. I killed her Master's wife and her closest friend's mother. I'm twice her age."

These were the facts. He could not allow himself to care for her any more than he cared for anyone else – which was very little. And letting her care for him, as she occasionally seemed to, would just go poorly for her when she finally made these realizations about him. _Why am I talking to this fox? Why am I telling her this? _he asked himself, but quickly came to an answer – _because you won't let yourself tell it to Jen Zi._

"You think these things bother her?" the fox asked curiously. When he didn't reply, she answered her own question. "She is far more relaxed around you than you are around her. The tension you feel between wanting to truly trust her and the desire to protect your secrets... She knows your past, whatever it is you may have done, and she accepts it. From her probing questions, I can see that she just wants to know who you are _now_ – your past means nothing to her."

He hated to admit it, but the fox had a point. Jen Zi's near-constant questions were more about his thoughts on their situation than about his time with the Lotus Assassins.

"Since she accepts your past, I think it is time you did as well," the Forest Shadow said. "Let go of all the regrets you cling to and live the life you have now."

"I don't know that I can do that," he replied. He'd spent most of his adult life living with his guilt – it was difficult to let go. _I don't deserve to be forgiven for what I did_.

"You should try," she counseled, "for her sake. I believe she is waking now," the fox said, changing topic without warning. "The Water Dragon's spirit has dissipated."

Jen Zi began to stir in his arms, and opened her eyes slowly and their gazes locked for a moment. "Did I pass out again?" she asked quietly.

He nodded. "Are you all right?"

She half-smiled. "I'm fine. Thanks for asking. And for catching me. The ground is always a lot harder than I expect it to be," she grinned. "I'm just a little-" she attempted to stand, with his assistance, and wobbled a little bit, unsteady on her feet. "A little dizzy still," she admitted. "It's always like this. I'm fine." She turned back to the Forest Shadow. "You were right," she told the fox. "The Water Dragon spoke to me of my 'destiny.' But she was not able to say very much, and she said she wasn't strong enough to help me."

The Forest Shadow nodded. "She is alive, but in great pain," she said, glancing at Zu pointedly as she spoke. He clenched his jaw. _She doesn't understand what I did, what I could do again, _he thought bitterly. _If a powerful spirit can't understand, how can I expect Jen Zi to?_


End file.
